Waiting to Exhale
by chibi-angel3
Summary: Is love ever really enough? Read on and find out how Kenshin and Kaoru learn important values that would strengthen their bond and help them understand the root of their anxieties. **READ AND REVIEW!!!** **COMPLETED!**
1. Chapter One

Standards Disclaimers Apply. Waiting to Exhale Chapter One 

It wasn't a particularly pleasant morning for Kaoru. As she was about to leave the dojo to go to the market, Kenshin sidetracked her with his typical grin. "What is it, Kenshin?" she rolled her eyes, fully aware what it was all about.

"Kaoru-dono, where are you going?" he inquired, wiping the suds out of his hands. Usually, nothing would disturb Kenshin from his beloved laundry but during the past couple of days, he'd rather keep an eye on Kaoru. 

A very irritating and watchful eye.

Kaoru slumped her shoulders, expecting the interrogation. "I'm going to the market. See?" she replied, raising the tub of tofu for emphasis.

"Would you like me to go with you?" came his routine question.

"No need, Kenshin. I can handle." 

"Oro?" Kenshin gave her a quizzical look. "Of course, I know you can handle but, would you like a companion?"

"No need, Kenshin," she replied more firmly this time. It wasn't that she didn't want to have Kenshin beside her, to accompany her but she knew what his real intentions were. He wanted to come with her not to **be** with her because he enjoyed her company. He just wanted to protect her, to guard her. She knew that she should be grateful and flattered even, but it was too much. Around him, she felt like a little girl in need of her father's protection. She understood that he needed her safe after what happened with Enishi but he must also understand that she can't be imprisoned for her safety. She couldn't live like that.

That is, if it could be considered as living.

Smiling widely, trying to reassure him as she said, "Don't worry. I'll be home in an hour or so. I won't be long."

Kenshin nodded upon seeing her resolute face. It wouldn't do him any good to argue with the stubborn woman.

At that, Kaoru walked out the dojo left with her lingering thoughts. Part of her understood Kenshin but part of her didn't. Sometimes she wondered if it was the protection that chafes her or the thought of being protected as a helpless child. She didn't know what to think but all she knew was she didn't like it.

She never did.

She hated being a burden to Kenshin. She abhorred the fact that his enemies would use her, she despised it not much for her sake but his. She wouldn't want him to get hurt or lured into a trap because of her. Come to think of it, it all boiled down into one thing.

She wasn't strong enough.

If she was strong enough, Kenshin would not need to protect her. She wouldn't be kidnapped. She wouldn't make Kenshin worry too much. 

She wouldn't be hurt of her unrequited love.

But then, if she were that strong, would she still need him?

Her heart and soul would.

Kaoru sighed deeply in resignation. She love him. She wore on her aching heart, she did but did he feel the same? Would she ever be good enough?

Kaoru stopped in front of the stall where she usually bought fresh tofu in a reasonable price. She haggled the prices until she got a good bargain. Going over her list, she went to the stalls which sold kome and vegetables. 

Doing the grocery that day seemed like a breeze. In no time, she was finished. Maybe few people went to the market that day or she was just so preoccupied with her thoughts that she did not notice how time flied. In any case, she headed back to the dojo, not wanting to give the retired rurouni a reason to worry some more.

"Hey there, little missy!" a gruff voice called from behind.

Lost in her thoughts, she didn't even a presence behind her.

"Hmph!" the stranger smirked. "I thought you were trained better than that, Kamiya."

"What?" she turned around. "How did you—"

"Funny how a couple of years erases one's memory, honya-chan."

Just then, something inside Kaoru snapped. Her eyes widened in recognition, dropping the bucket of tofu she was holding. "Tetsuya."

"It's been a long time. I thought you have completely forgotten me," he chuckled.

"What do you want?" she hissed. 

It had been a long time since she had seen her father's student turned rival, but she wasn't up for sappy and mushy reunions. He had challenged her more than once to give up the dojo and Kaoru had always beaten him. Since then, they had parted ways with pure bitterness that would never diminish. Resentments were already engraved in their memories and it would never dull even through time.

Tetsuya eyed her from head to foot in scrutiny as he replied, "What I have always wanted."

"You can't have it."

Tetsuya stood straight and walked towards her, completely towering over her. "Do you have a choice?"

Kaoru narrowed her eyes, challenging his. How dare he say that word to her?

Choice? Of course, she had a choice. She had always had a choice. Whether to fight or not, to kill or not, to be protected or not… she had a choice. She was not helpless. She could control her life.

She controlled her life! She always had. It was her, not her father, not Tetsuya, not even Kenshin. Whatever had happened it was because of her decision… her mistake… her weakness. Yes, she had weaknesses but she would never be rendered helpless. Not by Kenshin and certainly not by him.

Raised one eyebrow, she sneered, "Do you have what it takes to beat me?"

Tetsuya let a loud guffaw as he grabbed Kaoru's arm. "Don't be too cocky, honya!"

Despite the pain, Kaoru faced him with defiant eyes, pursing her lips. She was about to retaliate when Tetsuya's gripped loosened as he fell on his back. Kaoru stared at his fallen body wide-eyed, unable to make sense of what had just happened.

"Kaoru-dono, are you alright?"

Kaoru trailed her astonished eyes upward to meet Kenshin's. She should have known he was following her all that time.

The redhead's eyebrows furrowed at her unresponsiveness. He placed his hand on her shoulder to snap her out of her stupor as he worriedly searched her eyes. "Kaoru-dono, are you alright?"

Upon gathering her composure, she snapped, "Were you following me?"

"What?" Kenshin face fell upon noticing that she wasn't happy seeing him there. He just wanted to protect her but it seemed that somehow, he had made things worse.

"Were you following me?" she punctuated every syllable.

Looking down, he replied barely in a whisper, "Yes."

"Didn't I tell you I can do this on my own!?" she snapped, folding her arms over her chest.

"Yes, but…"

"Then, why did you follow me!?" she yelled out more in frustration than in anger.   
  


"I want to protect you from people like him," he reasoned with her.

At that time, Kaoru felt her heart bursting at the surge of emotions that bombarded her. Frustration from Kenshin and anger from Tetsuya. All of them… all of them belittled her. Bitterly, she concluded. "So you don't trust me."

"Of course I trust you!" He exclaimed defensively.

"No," she shook her head. "You don't trust that I can handle or protect myself." Looking deep in his eyes, she continued in a soft tone, "Kenshin, I am a grown woman now, a shihondai for that matter, don't that deserve any credit?"

Kenshin's heart sank upon realizing how his protectiveness had affected her. Taking a deep breath, he apologized, "Kaoru-dono, I am so sorry. I do trust you and I know that you can handle yourself but…" he trailed off. He cupped her cheeks with both his hands and whispered, "I can't let anything happen to you. Please understand."

"I do understand you in more ways than you know but..." Biting her lower lips, she sighed, "Do you?"

"Do I what?"  
  


"Do you understand me?"

Kenshin did not know what to say.

Figuring that the best way for Kenshin to understand her was for him to know where she was coming from so she explained, "Kenshin, I have handled things on my own for two years since my father died. I was able to survive alone. It isn't that I do not appreciate your company, concern or protection. It's just that…" she faltered.

Kenshin looked down, knowing exactly what Kaoru was going to say.

"I just don't want to feel impotent."

"You aren't, Kaoru-dono," he stammered. 

"Then **please** don't make me feel that way."

"I just don't want anything to happen to you," his voice cracked with unshed tears. It hurt him so much to know how unhappy he had made the person he loved most. It hurt him so much because he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't… he couldn't allow anything else to happen to his beloved. The loss would surely kill him.

"Kenshin, we are arguing in circles," she sighed exasperatedly. "I can handle myself."

"Didn't seem so when I stepped in," he muttered under his breath. Normally, he wouldn't say that but deep inside he really wanted to voice out his thoughts. He wanted Kaoru to know that he gave her the chance to defend herself but the man had already cornered her.

"Well it is because you intervened a little too early!"

"Kaoru-dono, **please** don't be stubborn!" he pleaded, stroking his arm.

Kaoru's eyes widened at his gesture. Slowly, she took steps away from him, her eyes brimming with tears. "Don't treat me as if I am your daughter!" she yelled. With that, she ran away, leaving a stunned rurouni behind.

**Author's Notes:**

This is another character fic inspired by 'When the Purple Settles' and a fanart I saw last week. I would have given you the URL but the author told me that the woman in the drawing wasn't Kaoru but an OC so I can't give it to you.

The title "Waiting to Exhale" describes Kenshin's and Kaoru's feelings that time.

Kenshin gets so worried about Kaoru's safety that it seemed that he would hold his breath until he was sure that Kaoru was safe beside him. On the other hand, Kenshin's over-protectiveness is choking Kaoru. So I guess that's it… they're both waiting to exhale.

Please tell me what you think! Leave me a review because I'm dying for an inspiration! About my other ficcies, sorry everyone, I'm just waiting to exhale. ^_~ My life is going haywire now so please bear with me. I'd be back in a couple of weeks. Yes, I am going to finish my fics!

This is for Dora-chan! Thanks for creating a dojin for my ficcie, "Best Laid Plans"

Belated Happy Birthday to Dementedchris. I am so glad you were happy. Don't forget the  three magic words… "I am content!" ^__^

LEAVE ME A REVIEW! c'mon push that button. It doesn't take much to make chibi-angel happy!


	2. Chapter Two

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Chapter Two**

Kenshin stared at Kaoru's retreating figure, almost gaping. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Kaoru thought that he was treating her like his daughter. Was that how he made her feel?

Like his daughter?

Kenshin felt an aching sensation in his heart at that. He wanted to follow Kaoru, to explain things to her, to tell her his real feelings but he was glued to the floor, unable to move.

Kenshin loved her. With all his being, he did that was why he was acting so unreasonably protective. He didn't want to lose her. Not again. Not ever. The incident with Jin'eh enraged him in such extremes while with Enishi… he gave up on life itself when he thought she was dead.

Maybe there was something amiss about the way he treated her. Or maybe the way he didn't. There were a lot of things he knew he should have done but he couldn't… he just couldn't. And now he is more afraid than ever.

He might not lose Kaoru because of his enemies but because of himself.

He wouldn't let that happen. He would do everything in his power not to lose her… but what must he do? If protecting her drove her away, what was left?

**~~~~~**

Kaoru stormed out of the scene, her mind in turmoil. She kept on running, not knowing exactly where to go. All she knew was she had to go away. Get away from it all even for a fleeting moment. 

She ran to where her feet took her, determined to sort out her thoughts and emotions before she face Kenshin once again. She stopped in front of an abandoned shrine, feeling her knees give out. She sat under a tree, closing her eyes to stop the tears from falling but it was a futile effort. She raised her knees to her chest, hugging them, wanting to feel comfort.

Nothing had really changed since she was a child. Despite all her efforts to prove herself, it was never enough.

Hours later, Kaoru had fallen asleep with bitter thoughts under the tree. It was already dark when she woke up. Knowing that she had been gone for more than half a day, she decided to head back to the dojo.

With all honesty, she was disappointed. Half of her expected to wake up seeing Kenshin beside her, worried about her, coddling her. As ironic as it may sound, she actually hoped that he would follow her there when she ran away.

But he didn't.

And it hurt her.

She knew it was crazy to feel that way but she did. She wanted him to follow her just for the thought that he didn't abandon her. On the other hand, if he did follow her, a part of her would also be mad at him for not giving her some space.

It was truly and absolutely crazy but it made her realize how much she needed him, not for protection but just for being him.

Even if he treated her as a child.

She trod the lonely path back home, still carrying a heavy heart. She had a long day and she expected to have an even longer evening.

When she had reached the dojo gates, she opened it carefully, not wanting to create a loud noise that would make a grandiose announcement of her arrival. She didn't need that. She didn't feel like getting a fatherly lecture from Kenshin about her safety that moment. However, all her quiet attempts were in vain when she saw Kenshin patiently waiting for her on the porch steps.

Kenshin got up from his seat, giving her a weak smile. "Okaeri nasai."

"Tadaima." Kaoru greeted back, walking past him. Funny how just a couple of months ago, they had said the exact same thing to each other, only in reversed roles. They had been together for more than half a year however, time was not reliable in measuring emotions and depth, for even if hours, days and even months had passed since then, their relationship had only progressed a second.

But her love… it had surpassed eternity.

Kaoru went straight to the kitchen to prepare food but Kenshin had already finished cooking dinner. She transferred the food from the pots to the serving plates, bringing them over to the kitchen.

Kenshin followed her soon afterward, helping her set the table.

They ate the dinner in silence and as soon as they had finished, Kaoru returned to her, wanting to think. She knew Tetsuya would be back soon so she had to prepare herself. But she had to make it discreet. After hearing that Kenshin had finished checking the locks, Kaoru snuggled on her futon, spreading the blanket across her body.

Just as she had expected, Kenshin slid her bedroom door open, checking on her.

Kaoru maintained her breathing regular, feigning sleep. 

Kenshin kneeled down on her side, pulling up the blanket to her chin. He gently caressed her face with his calloused yet tender hands and whispered, "I'm sorry." After a couple of seconds, Kenshin left.

Kaoru smiled at that but her earlier resolve to train was still impregnable. She would train so hard until Kenshin would no longer need to worry about her. A couple of hours later, she stood up and donned her training gi and hakama. She quietly slid the shoji door open, turning her head from side to side, checking if Kenshin was inside the hall. Upon seeing that the coast was clear, she took cautious steps and headed towards the training hall.

She lit up the area by lighting the lamps around the room. She sat, crossed legged in the middle of the training hall and began with the basics of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu— the breathing exercise. It served two purposes, to relax one's muscles and to clear one's mind.

As soon as she felt herself calming up, she felt a warm breath on the side of her neck, sending thousands of shivers to run across her body. She immediately snapped her head towards its direction. "Kenshin."

Her eyes widened, cheeks flushing a deep shade of red as she realized that their faces were only inches away from each other.

"Kaoru," he smiled, not backing away.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"  
  


Kenshin's passionate amethyst eyes glistened because of the fire as he stroked Kaoru's flushed cheeks. He looked deep into her eyes and whispered huskily, "How do you want me to treat you?"

"Huh?" came her dazed reply as she stared at his sculpted bare chest .

Kenshin motioned her to stand up facing him and repeated, "You told me a while ago that I treat you as if you were my daughter. So tell, me…" he pressed, untying the band that held up her hair, "How do you want me to treat you?"

Kaoru's heartbeat paced as her breath became shallow. She swallowed a lump that formed on her throat as she bit her lower lip, thinking of something to say. "I don't want you to be protect me in such degree that you cage me up."

"Then, what do you want me to do?" he pressed his forehead on hers.

Closing her eyes, she said the one thing her heart chanted, "Loving me is more than enough…"

At that, Kenshin closed the distance, capturing her lips into his own for a sweet and loving kiss. "But I don't want to lose you," he murmured in between the kiss.

Kaoru pulled back and replied, "Neither do I but you need to trust me."

"Kaoru—"

Kaoru cut him off by placing a finger on his mouth. "Hush! I understand you and I am willing to compromise. I am going to train. Train very hard so that you wouldn't have to worry about me."

"I will always worry about you, even if you train Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu," he chuckled.

"You worry-wart!!"

"It's just that…" he pressed soft kisses on her face down to her neck "… I love you so much."

Kaoru tilted her head to give him better access and moaned as she stroked her hands on his scarred back, "I love you, too, Kenshin." 

Kenshin untied the belt that held her gi, sliding it off her shoulders slowly. It fell on the floor with a soft rustle as he continued placing butterfly kisses on her shoulders. "I love you so much that I tend to overreact. I am so sorry, Kaoru."

Kaoru pulled back, pecking his lips shortly upon seeing him frown. "You don't need to worry, Kenshin. I am too stubborn to die and…" She placed her arms around him, embracing him tightly as she whispered to his ear, "…I have a reason to live. I have you."

Kenshin smiled widely upon hearing that, resting his hands on the small of her back, sighing contentedly.

They held each other tightly, allowing all their worries and insecurities to dissolve in that sweet embrace.

**Author's Notes:**

So here is the short ficcie… I hope you enjoy this! I wanted to do drama that didn't involve death so here it is! ^__^

Sorry for the long updates… I had been terribly busy! But you know what I really appreciate all your reviews! Hugs and kisses to you all!!! Regular updates would be back in a couple of weeks. Please bear with me. I don't want to rush the chappies of my other fics because I want them to be worth the wait! ^__^

Thank you to all those who visit my site and leave comments!!! ^__^

Mars, Gypsy, Mids, Susan, Hana-chan and everyone else! I miss you so much!!! Chris, thanks for everything! ^__^


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